I’m sorry, do my eyes deceive me, or did the Red Sox beat the Blue Jays? No, it must be a joke, because not only was Josh Towers not pitching, but long-time Red Sox nemesis Ted “I can’t beat any team south of Connecticut” Lilly was. And, to top it all off, 22-year old David Pauley was starting for the Sox.

Pauley actually looked pretty decent in the first four innings. He was throwing strikes (most of the time), and got out of a number of jams with inning-ending double plays. But between the fourth and fifth innings Matt Clement must have forced Pauley to eat an apple from the Tree of giving-up-hits-with-RISP. And a 7-2 game (thank you Papi, Manny and Loretta?) suddenly was 7-6.

I’ll be perfectly honest. This game was perfect for me. You see, David Pauley is the first Red Sox player to be younger than me. For him to pitch well in the big leagues pretty much means my chances of playing big league ball is over. (If you’re curious, the last time I played organized baseball was during the tryouts for my 7th grade baseball team. There was one more spot on the team and me and one other kid going for it. The coach hit me a pop fly, I missed it and it hit me on the top of my head. Good night major league career.) But since Pauley didn’t get the W, I still have a chance!

Thanks to some great bullpen outings we managed to escape the cold, miserable, French-speaking country to the north. Wait, I need to read that sentence again. Yup, all correct. Hell, even Detroit looks good right now.

Normally after a loss like today’s I’d try to turn my bitterness into humor and go off on some Lewis Black-type rant involving Josh Beckett, the Rogers company, lime juice and 17 chickens; but coupled with a MFY comeback win, I’m too pissed to even do that. Maybe tomorrow.

During the 3rd inning of last nights game, Remy mentioned that with RISP Fredo has given up a batting average of .458. At the time, Alex Rios was on second with 2 outs. He was also on second with 1 out when Frank Catalanotto had grounded out to third. I did a bit of quick mental math and realized that it meant that Vernon Wells was due to get a hit. One four-bagger later and we were down 0-2.

It seems to me that watching Fredo pitch is a lot like reading a Dan Brown novel. The subject matter may change, but the plot twists and outcomes are always exactly the same. The only new wrinkle in yesterday’s game was that thanks to the Cap’n we managed to tie the game up at 6 in the 8th, so Fredo didn’t get the loss. I’ve yet to decide if this is a good thing.

Ah, Memorial Day weekend. Sun, barbecues, my first day off since New Years, and the beginning of Fox blacking out Saturday baseball games. So I’m very grateful to the Red Sox for scheduling yesterday’s game at 7:05, allowing me to watch it from 3000 miles away.

First off, congratulations are in order. Curt got win number 200. Glad to see it happen not only in a Sox uniform but at Fenway. He obviously didn’t have his best stuff (allowed 4ER to the Devil Rays), but it was enough. I have a feeling that anybody who wins 200 games gets lucky on some, and unlucky on others. Most of all he’s got to have talent, and Mr. Schlling certainly has a lot of that.

Today was a day of give a little, take a little. After 42 games on the DL, Coco finally got his first AB at Fenway (1-5, 1R, 1RBI). But it wouldn’t come without a cost. Wily Mo Pena AND Mike Timlin both went on the DL. Do the Sox just not want the MFYs to beat them on any level, including players on the DL?

Today’s game was more about pitching however. Wakefield looked great for 8 innings, giving up 0 runs. And then came the bullpen. With Timlin on the DL, and Papelbon and Foulke having pitched in 3 straight days, we were left with Tavarez and Seanez. Five walks, one passed ball, four runs, and one play at the plate later, the Sox had swept the four game series. But it yields the question, if you have to turn a 5-0 lead in the 9th into a 5-4 game, should you be pitching on this team? I guess we should just be happy that Tavarez didn’t punch anybody.

Two veterans, two days, two wins. Good way to begin the summer.

Speaking of the hidden ball trick, Lowell’s just about due for another.

Good news: David Wells cruised through 4 1/3 innings, giving up a single run
Bad news: He got knocked out of the game with a knee contusion after getting whacked with a line drive

Good news: Papelbon got his 17th straight save
Bad news: We had to use Paps after he made 31 pitches last night

Good news: WE WON
Bad news: No, actually more good news. The MFYs lose (reverse lock).

OK, I’ll admit it: I wrote off this game before it even started. Kazmir has made the Red Sox lineup look like Kansas City this season (2 W’s, 2 ER, 12.2 IP). Boomer was just coming off the DL, and let’s be honest, he traditionally makes Red Sox fans cry in their beers during these starts. Another reverse Lock! Boomer looked great, Kazmir looked mortal, and Papi and Doubles were their usual selves. So the odds now stand at 3-1 that Boomer goes back on the DL. If he can come back and pitch like he did today, Red Sox Nation will welcome him with open arms.

One strange thing I noticed during the game was that Youk had an intimate moment with his bat in the 8th. It was quick: he sang it a little song, read it a poem, and gave it a kiss right on the sweet spot. I know you always want to keep your significant other happy, but dude, get a room.

Did somebody place a $100 bill under the third base bag last night? Julio Lugo tried to take third after Mr. Mendoza line misses the cutoff throw, only to have Mark Loretta make a spectacular toss to Mike Lowell to get him at third. More entertaining however, was Big Papi tagging up from second on a long fly and sliding head-first into third. Why Papi, why? I know it turned out OK, and after running 45 feet Papi looks like he’s on mile marker 23 of a marathon, but please guys no more head first slides. At the best, you lose a $15,000 diamond earring. At the worst, you break your finger and go on the DL for about a quarter of the season. Either situation is no good.

After watching us give up 15 runs in the past two games it was nice to see Josh on the mound again. I see that he made up with both his fastball and his curve (6IP, 0R, 7Ks), not a good sign for the rest of the league. And he didn’t have to take anybody out! That’s got to be a first in a Sox-Rays game this year.

Tonight the fat man with the larger mouth goes up against a lefty who has given up 2 runs in his past 2 starts. Time to bring the bats. Remember, the goal is to get home, not stranded at third.

Well that royally sucked. Around the 5th inning last night I started to realize that the current Sox pitching staff has a very close resemblance to the Corleone family and friends (pre-deaths). In my mind it goes something like this:

• Curt Schilling/Vito Coreleone – Curt is basically the Don of the staff. He takes in the young ones, he’s the Ace. And I’m pretty sure I once saw him with an orange rind in his teeth.

• Tim Wakefield/Tom Hagen – Timmy always takes care of the dirty work whether people want to admit it or not. He’s been around forever and you can always count on him to put in a good effort. He’s not going to be able to brush somebody off the plate or bean them when necessary (horse head anyone?), but he’s worked to make something out of nothing.
• Josh Beckett/Michael Corleone – Josh has just come back from the trenches (otherwise known as the Florida Marlins) to join the family. He’s got the potential to take over the family when Curt retires, but until then he’s almost like a second ace. Oh, and don’t fuck with his family or he will try and take your head off.
• David Wells/Sonny Corleone – Much like Sonny couldn’t keep his zipper shut, Boomer can’t keep his mouth shut. Nuf’ said.

Which leaves us with the last member of the family, Matt Clement/Fredo Corelone. Much like Fredo, Clement isn’t much to look at. And every time you give him something easy to do, he fucks it up. Let’s take a look at last night. Manny gives him a 2-0 lead, he blows it by giving up 4 in the next frame (all with 2 outs). Youk ties it a 4, and Manny gives him a one run lead, Fredo gives up another 4 runs. If you want it in statistical values, batters this year are .439/.538/.683 with RISP. We can’t get rid of him cause he makes too much money (or in the Godfather analogy, is a member of the family), but I don’t think there would be a Red Sox fan who wouldn’t like to banish him to Las Vegas right now.

Now onto the Devil Rays, who can hopefully heal our wounds.

Did Timmy do something to piss off the Red Sox? He seems like a stand-up guy, the consummate professional, but the Sox just don’t like to score for him. After today’s game, he receives 3.5 runs per start, far and away the worst for any Sox starter. Did he hit on Manny’s wife, or key Papi’s Hummer? (Either of these scenario’s are pretty funny if you stop and think about Wake trying to be a sleezebag and hit on somebody’s wife.) Because unless there is a good reason, the offense need to stop putting him in deep holes he can’t get out of.

Speaking of which, what was Tito doing in the 7th? Wake got the first two outs, but then threw eight straight balls which put him over 100 pitches. Don’t you think that’s an indication that it’s time to look to the bullpen? At least A-Rod got another clutch home run out of it. Yes, it was the difference in the game, but at the time, it’s not like they needed that 6-run lead.

Let’s hope that The Big Eunuch looks like he is 45 tomorrow, and Matt Clement thinks he’s pitching to the National League.

If I didn’t know any better, and had just watches last nights Sox-MFY matchup, I would think that Schilling is in his 20s and the MFY lineup is in their 40s. 8 innings, 6 Ks, 1 run, now THAT’s the Curt Schilling I like to see. And to top it off, Ortiz hit a clutch 2-run single, Manny followed with a homer to dead center, and even little Alex Cora went 3-4. Slappy got his shot in too, but he only comes through in the clutch. So it makes sense that he hits a 2-run homer with 2-outs in the 9th…and the MFYs down 9-1. That man is so clutch. Remind me again how he beat Papi for the MVP last year?

On a side note, when you think it can’t get any better, Jack Bauer saves the world yet again. How long is it going to be until the senile Steinbrenner starts yelling at Cashman to hire Jack Bauer to take out Big Papi?