That’s not exactly the way I wanted to go into a three game series against our most hated rivals, but with Lenny DiNardo pitching I couldn’t expect much more. What did surprise me was Abe Alvarez’s aversion to keeping the game close. Every time the Sox got the game closer, he would give up at least that run back. As a Sox fan, the most important pitching line of the day may be this:

5 IP, 4 H, 2ER, 1 BB, 3 K

No, that’s not DiNardo or Alvarez’s line (if it was, we might have had a chance today). That would be David Wells’ line against the Scranton Red Barons (AAA). Much, much more impressive than his last AAA rehab start of 5 IP, 6 H, 7ER, 3 BB, 1 K. Maybe now his pitching can keep up with his mouth.

Most baseball games are routine. If you’re lucky you see a brawl or a walk-off home run. But on rare occasions, you get to see a play that will embarrass a player for quite possibly the rest of his career. Listening to today’s game got me thinking about the most embarrassing things that a baseball player can have happen to him. In no particular order:

Maybe the National League isn’t so bad. Matt Clement seems like he likes it. As do the Cap’n, Big Papi and Mike Lowell. Paps likes it, but he likes any league where he can make hitters look like fools. I think the person who enjoyed the National League the most is Mr. Mendoza Line. He has got to be throwing a party right now for getting intentionally walked. (If any Red Sox are reading this, please don’t tell him that the pitcher was up next, this may be the high point of his season.)

At the same time, keeping score of this game requires a PhD. By the end of the game four of the nine starters were replaced. Double switches are fun, but it helps when you explain them to your players (Dustin Mohr and Willie Harris certainly were confused). When all was said and done, the Red Sox used 15 players from their 25 man roster (and remember, five are starting pitchers). But all I really care about is that the Red Sox have more runs than their opponent at the end. Let’s give those Philly fans more to boo tomorrow.

There seem to be a number of similarities between this year’s Sox team and the 04 one, but at the same time everything is just a bit askew. There’s Curt Schilling 04 who looked dominant for most of the year, and there’s Curt Schilling of 06 who looks dominant for the first 3 innings. Manny has come back and upped his average to .302, but can’t seem to get runners in from 3rd with fewer than 2 outs. And of course there’s Willie Harris. Willie apparently has been watching the Game Four video one too many times because he now believes he’s Dave Roberts. Willie Harris is not Dave Roberts.

In baseball there are two cardinal baserunning sins; don’t make the last out of an inning at third base and don’t make the last out of the game trying to steal. Willie didn’t get the memo, but he did get the hold sign. The only thing that would have made last night’s ending worse is if he got caught stealing third base instead of second. Oh, and Willie: Dave wouldn’t have gone when he didn’t have the green light. I think the Sox need another game of red light/green light.

Well there goes the momentum. I’m a sucker for old Sox teammates, so I was at least glad that if somebody had to get the big hit, it was Millar. There was a great story about how when the Orioles came to Fenway this year, Papi picked Millar up from the hotel to take him to the ballpark. I wouldn’t be suprised if Millar misses the Sox so much that he rented a bus to drive the entire team to Camden Yards from the hotel. Hell, he even tried to let the Sox back in the game by attempting to steal.

Now on to the monstrosity that is Inter-league play. Nothing to get the blood flowing like that natural rivalry between the Red Sox and the Phillies?

After watching both the Sox and the MFYs games today, I’ve realized that watching sporting events is the one activity in life that can turn me from a respectable 23 year old male to a 2 year old who just learned how to talk. Let’s start with the Sox. Mike “Doubles Machine” Lowell is becoming a blast to watch. The ball not only seems to be jumping off of his bat, but its finding the gaps. Every time it finds one of these gaps I catch myself screaming “daa-bullles!”, much like a little child would scream “bubbles!” in the bath. Problem is, I’m in the middle of an office building when it happens.

And then there are the MFYs. Bottom of the 9th, two outs, runner at second, the bad guys are down by one. Fastball, middle of the plate, and of course Jorge “Little Bitch” Posada, crushes it to right. For some reason, the only thing that comes out of my mouth is “Uh-ooooh, uh-oooooh”, like a baby who just had an accident in his diaper.

Is part of the reason that I love sports, and baseball in particular, because it makes me into a moronic child? I guess so. But I wish I could just prevent it from happening at work.

On a completely different topic, has anybody watched the closed captioning for the Orioles TV broadcast? I get to watch a whole new Sox bullpen. Chem Lynn pitched two perfect innings, and Apple Balm closed out the game in the 9th. But somehow it gets names like Nick Markakis and Miguel Tejada.

It may be pouring in Boston, but at least the Red Sox are trying to provide a little bit of sun. Last night was a good old-fashioned ass-whoppin’. Did Beckett promise all the batters that if they hit a homer, he’d buy them a shot on his birthday? I bet David Wells was begging Tito to let him bat.

And what was up with Loretta trying to steal not one, but two bases? On the second one he looked like Willie Mays Hayes from Major League. Sorry Mark, the bases are still 90 feet apart, not 85.

Is there a new rule for the ESPN broadcast teams that you need to have at least one terrible announcer? Erin Andrews is a pretty face, but yikes, can’t put out a decent report to save her life. Last night she kept calling David Ortiz “The Big Papi”. The superfluous article should have disappeared around 7th grade! But I guess I should just be happy that Joe Morgan skipped out on the game last night.

All in all it was a good performance by the whole team. Josh, I hope you had a great birthday, and that Boomer didn’t get you too sick after the game.

Since the Sox got rained out for both games against the Rangers this weekend, I figured I’d compile a little list.

Fun things to do in the rain
1. Splash in puddles
2. Go slip-and-sliding on the tarp
3. Watch a muddy football game

Things not fun to do in the rain
1. Play baseball
2. Drive in LA
3. Play baseball

That game on Friday was just a mess. There’s an old (and very crude) saying, that something “fell apart like soft shit in rain.” Considering how Matt Clement fell apart in the rain…I don’t think I need to finish the thought for you.

The good news from this weekend is that Lenny DiNardo gets skipped on his next start. Also, the Big Eunuch got roughed up on Sunday to the tune of 4 runs in 6 innings. Not exactly the $16,000,000 man they were expecting.

Great win for the Sox today. They had a ton of opportunities (15 LOB) that got away in the beginning of the game but really worked their asses off to pull this one out. Wake pitched another quality start, and Loretta deserves a lot of credit for a 4-6 performance with 3 RBIs and a two-bagger. Paps, well he was Paps. Need I say more?

However, Shawn Chacon has got to be President of the Fucking Lucky Club. Here was his line for the night:

What this doesn’t show is that in the first, he got out of a bases loaded jam. In the third Crosby robbed Mike Lowell of a 2-run homer. In the fourth Demon stole a 2-run homer from the Stud Who Hits Bombs. Same inning, with Pena on third, Loretta hit a double down the line which was ruled foul. Then, Loretta hits what would be a single up the middle but Chacon accidentally kicks it and gets Loretta at first. And finally, in the fifth, he left the bases loaded and Scott Proctor got out of the inning for him. So not even including the two bases-loaded jams, this should have been his line:

Fucking Lucky Club. Apparently Chacon wasn’t nice enough to invite Matsui to join the club. Matsui broke his wrist trying to grab a Loretta single in the first inning and will be out 3 months. I hate a lot of MFY’s. I hate A-Fraud/Slappy and Roid Boy, I hate the Big Eunuch and Roid Boy’s partner in crime (Sheff). Every so often there are quality ballplayers on the roster however, and Matsui probably tops that list. I don’t want the Sox to have to face him, but I wouldn’t wish that injury on him.

Four games, three wins, let’s keep that going.

A lot of people don’t like Curt Schilling. They think he’s arrogant, talks too much and worst of all is a Republican (in New England, that’s a federal offense). Aside from the Bush thing, he became one of my favorite Sox players the day he got traded. When he arrived in Boston one of the first things he did was to donate $0.5M to the Jimmy Fund. Then he insulted the MFYs in his first press conference. You’ve gotta love that.

But after a fantastic start to the year, it makes you wonder if that 133 pitch game took something out of Curt. Normally a 3-run lead is safe with him, just not tonight. Let’s just hope he can go back to the pitcher who started the season with a 4-0 record and a 1.61 ERA.

At least there is one bright side: Papi is BACK. 4-4, with a 2-run upper deck shot. The flu can’t stop the man, it can only hope to contain him.

First Papi had the flu, now Coco’s got it. Apparently Wake was the initial carrier (a poster on SOSH says, “Wakefield has often struck me as the Typhoid Mary of that clubhouse.”). Maybe this explains the initial lack of run support for Wake (everyone wanted to get out of the dugout and away from the sickee).

The question is, how did Wake get sick? Mayhap he got the bird flu from one of his hunting trips with Timlin? I know the good birds (the orange and black ones) have treated us well this year, but with the way the blue ones do a number on the Sox, and this flu thing, it makes me want the damn things banned. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to post the hunting photo.