Dear Trupe,

After listening to you describe Beckett’s near no-no tonight I think we need to remind you of a number of rules for announcing a no-hitter/perfect game. Please keep these in mind the next time the opportunity arises:

1. Do not use the term “perfect” EVER. If you have to give the play-by-play of Angelina Jolie walking in front of you naked during the broadcast, the word perfect is still off limits.

2. You also cannot say any variation of “no-hitter.” It’s about equivalent to telling a girl you just met at a bar that you’re going to be in her pants by the end of the night. Still think you’ve got a shot?

3. Try to show a little enthusiasm. Listening to the 5th inning of today’s game, we would have thought the Sox were losing 15-2 by the monotone voice about to fall asleep. You’ve got a volume control that “goes to 11″, but is missing levels two through ten.

In short, show a little excitement and don’t jinx anybody. Otherwise we’re going to have to send you to jinxing sensitivity training along with Joe Buck.

Sincerely,
You listeners