Thursday, July 20, 2006: “I expect to hear Dave Niehaus say ‘that one will fly away!’ during many top halves of the inning this weekend.”

Ortiz (1st). A-Gon (2nd). Tek (4th). Youks and Manny (5th). Check and mate. Hell, even Kyle Snyder managed to get a win out of this one for a lovely 5 game winning streak.

So, if it’s that easy, then let’s try this for tomorrow: I expect to hear Dave Niehaus say “and Kason Gabbard throws a no hitter in his major league debut. My oh my!” Hey, it’s worth a shot.

Another day game on a weekday, another game I had to follow via yahoo/espn/gameday. Most of the time that’s a good thing because I can actually do work without having Trupe scare me about every ball hit to medium depth center field. But then there’s a pitcher like John Rheinecker:

Staring at this man’s picture for 4 innings made me wonder if I was watching a ballgame or looking up sexual predators near Fenway. Would you want this man anywhere near your children? I don’t know if I’d let my kids go to the ballpark if he was pitching. Just freaking scary.

Curt pitched a decent game today, but was bailed out by the offense. After two 1-0 victories it was a refreshing sight to see three times the amount of offense in one game than in the past two. However, this move by Tito still makes me scratch my head. Who would you want as your leadoff batter?

Player A? Coco. Player B? Youks. Coco, dude, I want to like you. But when Youks is wiping the floor with your stats while he’s in a slump, that’s just no good. No good at all. Remember, you can’t steal second if you don’t get on first.

Now it’s time to show the West Coast what it’s all about. I expect to hear Dave Niehaus say “that one will fly away!” during many top halves of the inning this weekend. And Trupe, please do us all a favor, shut your pie hole and put your microphone in the Mariner’s broadcast booth.

Back to back 1-0 games at Fenway. Fenway Park, the home of “no lead is ever safe” has two games totaling 2 runs and 18 hits. I honestly never believed I’d be alive for that kind of accomplishment. In fact, considering the last time it happened was in 1916, I made a list of things I thought would happen prior to back to back 1-0 games at Fenway Park:

• A DH to win the MVP award
• Curt Schilling to vote for a Democrat
• Peace in the Middle East
• L. Ron Hubbard to come back to life, and all the Scientologists to be correct
• The Red Sox to win the World Series (oh, wait a minute, that happened 3 times)

In all honesty, it’s pretty spectacular to get 18 innings of shutout ball from 22, 25 and 26 year old pitchers. Beckett pitched a terrific game, and to everyone’s shock managed to keep everything in the ballpark. Mark Redman wasn’t so lucky with Manny Ramirez. After hitting into double plays in his past two at bats (9th inning yesterday, 1st inning today), Manny took the first pitch in the 4th inning over the Monster for the only run of the game. Then he also made a great tumbling catch in the 5th. The home run I understand, the catch makes me wonder if L. Ron Hubbard has come back. (Maybe I should apologize to Tom and Katie…nahhhh.)

I said a few days ago that the problem with playing the Royals is that any loss seems like a waste. There’s no question this team is struggling right now. So for us to get a sweep, even if it’s against the Kansas City RoyAAAls, is a huge boost. I’d rather eke out 3 wins while struggling then waste a good offensive week on the Royals. Way to go boys.

Everybody seems to be talking this morning about the pair of Jon’s, Lester and Papbelbon, combining for a 1 hit shutout of the Royals. (By everybody I am obviously referring to obsessive compulsive Red Sox fans who paint the Green Monster in their living room and name their first born kids “Fenway.”) Lester is now 5-0 with a 2.38 ERA, and PBR earned his 28th save in 31 chances. And while it’s nice that Lester went 8 innings allowing only 1 hit and a measly (for him) 4 walks, it’s still only his eighth start in a Sox uniform.

Yesterday belonged to the Captain. In his 991st start behind the plate for the Red Sox he surpassed Hall of Famer Carlton Fisk for most games at catcher in a Sox uniform. Any time you can break the record of a Hall of Fame player you’ve done something extremely special. So while Tek may not have put in a performance worthy of Cal Ripken Jr., he did hit a wall-ball double and later came around to score the only run on A-Gon’s 2-out single. (Yes, you did read that correctly, A-Gon had the game winning RBI.) Plus, I love the fact that he looks obviously uncomforatable by the standing ovation. He may be slumping this year, but you know he’d take a Sox win over a 4-4 day at the plate coupled with a Sox loss any day of the week.

I was at Fenway on September 4, 2000 when the Red Sox retired Fisk’s number. It was quite the carnival atmosphere including long standing ovations and a few waterworks. On top of the pre-game festivities, Pedro was also pitching when that alone was an event worthy of getting out of almost any commitment. You could probably even get out of your own wedding if you had tickets to a Pedro start. I don’t know if the Captain will get his number retired one day, but he certainly deserves a standing ovation worthy of #27.

First 88 games, zero shutouts. Next four games, two shutouts. That’ll do.

There’s good news and bad news about playing the Royals when you’re in a slump. The good news is that they’re the 32-60 Kansas City “it took us 13 road games before a win” Royals. The bad news is that if we don’t win, it’s a disgrace. For 6 innings yesterday it looked like we would be waking up this morning in second place. Every hard hit ball by the Sox was going right to a fielder, and even the balls that got down for hits were rolling the Royals’ way. Kansas City or not, going into the 7th down a four-spot is never a good place to be.

Then Dougie decided he was going deep. He almost didn’t get the chance when Jim Joyce called a a pitch that was both low and outside a strike on a 3-1 count. (Please, umpires, I beg you, READ THE STRIKE ZONE. It’s available online. Hell, I’ll even print out and send you all copies, just ask.) But then remembering that he was nicknamed “Stud Who Hits Bombs” for a reason, Dougie took the next pitch over the Monster for a 3-run, game-tying home run. Willie Harris scored the go-ahead run in the 8th on a sac fly, and PBR shut them down in the 9th. (Was anybody else hoping Mientkiewicz would hit a comebacker to the mound for the last out? Now that would have been poetic justice.)

But the comedy of the night came from Big Papi. You’d think with Will Ferrell throwing out the first pitch in “El Tiante” style, he’d have a corner on the market. Even Will Ferrell can’t compete with Papi stealing second. No doubt it was a botched hit-and-run play, but watching the big man run and slide under the tag was a sight to behold. After the steal Manny and Youks looked like they were going to have a seizure in the dugout they were laughing so hard. And once the last out was made, Loretta picked up second base and handed it to Papi. A mere 129 more to catch up with Ricky.

“I asked about the Braves’ awful June record, which has put Chipper in the unusual position of having to come from behind.”

–Erin Andrews

Rule 2.00 – The Strike Zone

The Strike Zone is defined as that area over homeplate the upper limit of which is a horizontal line at the midpoint between the top of the shoulders and the top of the uniform pants, and the lower level is a line at the hollow beneath the kneecap. The Strike Zone shall be determined from the batter’s stance as the batter is prepared to swing at a pitched ball.

Unless your name is Kyle Snyder, in which case the upper limit is a horizontal line at the top of the belt, and the lower limit is a horizontal line at the top of the belt.

Honestly, where was the umpire’s strike zone in the 5th inning? With the bases loaded and a 2-1 count, Snyder threw a PER-FECT curve right over the plate between the belt and the knees. Ball. So for the next pitch he throws a strike at the letters. Ball. I feel bad for Snyder. The guy pitched great for 4 innings (0 runs, 4 Ks, 0 BBs) but due to a blind umpire, he gets caught in a nasty jam. (So he gave up 2 hits and a HBP to start the inning, but that umpire needs to re-read the major league rules.) Plus, it doesn’t help that Tito virtually ended the game by bringing in a reliver with a name that ends in “z” to finish the inning. (See picture above. Yes, that is a new one. Yes, that picture is available almost every game.)

There’s also Manny being Manny. First to third with two outs? It may not be in the official MLB rulebook, but everybody knows that you never, EVER, make the last out of an inning at 3rd base.

So less than a week after we had a 3 game lead, it’s down to 1/2 a game. Wonderful. Tomorrow it’s the Royals and their league-worst 5.82 ERA. Maybe that can solve some of our woes? If it can’t, we’re in deep shit.