Me: A win!
Kim: What? I don’t understand.
Me: You see, when our team scores more runs than the other team, we call that a “win.”
Kim: Really? I’ve never seen that before.
Me: Much like the northern spotted owl, they are very rare. it’s an endangered species.

What a strange game. First, Julian Tavarez was the Sox’s starting pitcher. Second, he didn’t lose against Cy Young candidate Roy Halladay. However, the strangest play of the game was Alex Cora’s “Home Run.”

Cora hit a ball in the 7th that was about 10 feet from the wall in right field. Rios got twisted around on the play and didn’t catch the ball cleanly. To try to make up for the error, as the ball was falling out of his glove he tried to bare-hand it. I say “tried” because what he actually did was swat it into the seats for a go-ahead two run home run. Cora’s first of the season.

Timlin tried to screw things up again in the 8th, but PBR wouldn’t let him as he earned his 35th save.

I give the Sox bullpen a lot of shit. Tonight they put out a gutsy performance. Especially considering the emergency start they had to make as a result of Boomer Wells being traded right before gametime. So Tavarez, Bryan Corey, Delcarmen and PBR get a gold star for the day. Timlin, see me after class.

On the injury front it looks like Lester may have the worst injury yet. He was diagnosed with having enlarged lymph nodes, often a telltale sign of lymphoma. As Kim said, “I hope we don’t have to send him to the Jimmy Fund.” So do we all.

The Sox lost for the 6th straight game. It’s not pretty right now. But you’ve sometimes got to look on the bright side.

So, congratulations Curt. You pitched like a 4th starter, but the strikeout of Nick Swisher (swinging) in the first was a momentous occasion. Schilling is only the 14th pitcher in Major League history to accrue 3,000 Ks. While I wish it could be celebrated with a win, it’s been great to see Curt get his 200th W and 3,000th K in the same season with a Sox jersey on. Here’s to many more (good) milestones for Curt in the next year.

Let’s hope the friendly confines of Fenway Park help the boys out. Although, as Youks points out “Are you dealing with rational people? I don’t know, they’re Red Sox fans.” Touche.

Well today was my last Sox game of the season. Despite a tough loss (2-1), I had a great time. Why? Because thanks to Glenn Geffner and Peter Chase, I was able to get a press pass to hang out on the field during BP. Now, before you ask “What was Schilling like?” or “Did you get to keep a bunch of baseballs?” you should know that I was a guest of the Red Sox. And thus, I tried not to annoy as many people as possible.

However, that said, when Theo Epstein is sitting in the dugout, alone, 5 feet from you, it’s a requirement to go up and introduce yourself. Theo couldn’t have been nicer. I was a little nervous. So the conversation at one point went something like this:

Theo: So what do you do?
Me: I work for Apple.
Theo: So what are you doing here?
Me: Uhhh, well, Apple is located around here.
Theo: No, I mean what are you doing here, in the dugout?
Me: Oh! I’m friends with Glenn.
Theo: So you’re a stow-away?
Me: I guess so.
Theo: Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody (laughs).

What I was really impressed with, was that he not only remembered my Dad (who announced for the Padres), but that the remembered that he was with Baltimore first. There’s a reason this guy is good at what he does.

I took in all of BP from the dugout. A couple of players walked by to pick up gloves or bats, and I wished them good luck for the game. Pedroia seemed especially excited to hear somebody wish him good luck. Belli just took it in stride.

As BP was winding down, Tito was sitting by himself in the dugout. I wished him luck for the game, and told him he was doing a great job. He thanked me (and called me sir), spitting out tobacco juice in between each word. I think he realized the “great job” comment was a little overstating it though. When I said it, he kind of rolled his eyes to himself. I’m glad to see he’s as frustrated as the fans are, even if he won’t tell the press. (Shit, am I the press? Uh, oh.)

To complete the “every single female Jewish Sox fan’s dream” I caught up with Kapler in the hallway to the clubhouse. Littlerally, he was the last player going into the clubhouse, so I jogged a bit to get him before he disappeared. (Note: I’m not female, but I am a member of the tribe. So I’m not going to pass up an opportunity to meet a Jewish ballplayer who has a World Series ring, from the Sox no less.) He was completely psyched about some fantasy football trade he made involving Steve McNair. For some reason I think it’s a bit weird when professional athletes are playing fantasy sports with other athletes. Kapler also couldn’t be nicer. I lied and said I went to Taft High (I’m only one generation off), which Kapler was excited about. I know it’s probably not true, but to a fan hearing a ballplayer say “it’s nice to meet you too” is REALLY cool.

I wish I got some pictures, but at the same time, I really didn’t want to be rude. Also, after you introduce yourself to Theo, it’s not like you can hide under a helmet and hope he doesn’t notice you.

I didn’t get to meet Schilling or Youks. Both were busy, and I couldn’t get any “alone time” with them.

As for the game? Beckett pitched well, but the offense let him down. Coco made a fantastic run-saving catch in the 5th. Honestly, I was just happy to see the Sox score a run. It had been 15 innings without one.

I did manage to make an ass of myself during the game. In the bottom of the first, there was a line drive to center. The person in the seat next to me decided that would be a good time to try to squeeze by and sit down. But during the play he was right in my way. I tried to move left, but was blocked. I tried to move right, but was blocked. Finally frustrated I say (in a very snotty tone), “Excuse me!” He sits down. Within 2 minutes I realized the reason he wasn’t moving any faster was that he was mentally slow. I guess I should just be glad I didn’t say, “What are you a retard? Get out of the way!”

In a non-game related note: Foulke has got to be the biggest playa’ on the team. He got a girls digits in the bullpen DURING the game. All men should bow before him.

Sadly, Kim didn’t know I was in the dugout, so she didn’t get any pictures of me on the field. (If you have any, let me know.) But she did get some great shots of Coco’s catch, two double plays, and a play at the plate! Check them out here.

As Kim mentioned, it was freezing last night. Mostly it was the wind of the Sox constantly swinging and missing.

We have a new bizarro-world lineup:

Crisp, CF
Cora, 2B
Loretta, DH
Youkilis, LF
Lowell, 3B
Hinske, RF 
Lopez, C
C. Pena, 1B 
Cora, SS

When the lineup was first announced we had to check our watches. Nope, not April fools day.

The outfield in Oakland is atrocious. Not only can you still see the yard line markers, but there’s a hill where the football field ends. The softball field I play on is better maintained than that. Hinske made a great running catch in the first inning to rob Milton Bradley of a double. Too bad he couldn’t keep both feet in bounds, otherwise it would have been a touchdown.

I was impressed when the woman sitting behind us knew who Kason Gabbard was. I was equally unimpressed when she called the Foul Pole the “Out-of-Bounds Pole.”

People have reached a new low for chanting U-S-A-U-S-A when the highlights of the Little League World Series were shown on the Jumbotron. That’s almost like saying “my country’s Little League team can beat up your country’s Little League Team.”

I will hand it to the Oakland fans, playing Marco-Polo with Marco Scuatro each time Scutaro comes to the plate is very entertaining.

The rest of the night I’d rather forget. Hopefully Beckett will make the last Sox game I attend this season a good one. Because with no Papi (please, please be OK), and no Manny, the offense is certainly not going to be any help.

What? I’m sorry, no.

*sticks fingers in ears*

La la la la I can’t hear you.

I froze my ass of watching that game and I come home to hear about this? If the Sox don’t win another game all season and Papi’s fine, I think I’d make that trade.

In other news, it’s almost time for football. The Raiders are starting to destroy the Oakland Coliseum, proving once again that football has no business being played on a baseball field (and vice-versa). Half the grass was beaten and wilting, and you could see the yard lines. Hinske warmed up by the ten yard line, and it looked like he was about to make a touchdown drive. Of course, looking at the number of balls he missed in the endzone (far right field), maybe he should stick with baseball.

Other pictures:

Hinske does the hokey-pokey: “you put your head in…”

Gabbard calls out the grounds crew to give him the ability to throw strikes (hey, it worked!)

Cora bites his nails (always the pinky nail)

Next to Pena, Pedroia looks about twelve

There are others that I’ll post when I get around to it, including ones of actual baseball being played.

Swept. By the Mariners. I know they’re the same Mariners that took two of three from the MFY just a few days ago, but…arggggg.

Also, can we stop bringing out Kyle Snyder for the 5th inning? The pattern is always the same; cruises through four innings, hits a brick wall in the 5th. I don’t know if Snyder will be on this team next year, but, for this year, for the sake of self-respect, can Tito at least pretend he wants this team to win? This team would have a better chance if the Red Sox just kept a poll up on their website for what managerial moves to make.

I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but congrats to Papi on his 47th HR of the season. He and Schilling are really the only impressive parts of this team anymore.

In the immortal words of the late, great, Chick Hern: the butter’s getting hard…

Public Advisory Notice:

If you see somebody (yours truly) in a Red Sox hat eating breakfast at a local diner, do not approach him and say “your team really blew it this season.” He is liable to become bitter, angry and even snappy. Plus, if you happen to be 50lbs overweight and wearing a bright pink polo shirt, you’re not one to be criticizing either.

Does anybody else hear a cross between screaming hyaenas and a dying ferret when Mike Timlin takes the mound with a lead? Apparently Tito never heard the old saying “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” BEFORE tonight, Timlin had an August ERA of 7.36. Are you really telling me that there’s NOBODOY better in the bullpen for one inning of work? Foulke? Delcarmen? Hell, at this point Tavarez has a better shot of giving a lead safely to PBR than Timlin does.

Kim made a good point today, Timlin is pulling an Embree from last season. At least Tito got wise to Embree, for some reason he’s as blind as a bat about Timlin.

Wells pitched a pretty damn good game (7 IP, 2 ER, 8H, 1 BB, 4 K). Right now he’s probably the Sox most reliable pitcher. (There are words I didn’t think I’d say even a month ago.) But even if the Sox get him the lead, the bullpen, mostly Timlin, can’t go a batter without giving up the lead. It’s disgraceful.

Yesterday was “Future’s Day” at Fenway. I don’t think Tito got the memo that he could field his normal team, Future’s Day only applied to Fenway. Is there any other reason you can explain this lineup:

Crisp, CF
Loretta, 1B
Ortiz, DH
Pena, LF
Lowell, 3B
Kapler, RF
Mirabelli, C
Pedroia, 2B
Cora, SS

It’s the Sox lineup from Bizzaro world. You’ve got a CF leading off whose OBP on the road is hovering at .300. A RF who hasn’t had a hit since Moses parted the Red Sea. A catcher who used to have the nickname “Stud Who Hits Bombs”, but now goes by “Stud Trying to Find the Mendoza Line.” And a 1B who has seen zero time at 1B this season.

Glad Tito made sure to use this lineup against a rookie (the Sox are often terrible against pitchers they haven’t seen before), and with our Ace on the mound. Sorry Tito, even Schilling can’t hold the Mariners to a negative number of runs. The lineup has to score SOMETHING.

5.5 back of the MFY, 4.5 back in the WC. And if Tito’s lineup is any indication, he’s throw in the white flag.

The only good part about yesterday was Schilling K’ing 7 batters. He’s currently at 2,999 K’s for his career, and will be pitching next in Oakland…

Nice to see things getting back to normal. Papi goes deep (#46) to give the Sox a 1-0 lead. Beckett then gives it right back with another tape measure shot…sorry, what? You say Beckett pitched like an ace and held the Angels scoreless over 6 innings? I don’t believe it.

Oh, ok, then Timlin shit the bed in the 7th giving up the lead…really? Timlin managed to get out of the jam in the 7th? Great play by Wily Mo throwing out a runner at home and Belli deking the runner?

At least PBR shut the door for the save, right? Whew, I got something right.

Normally when your newest $30M contract leaves the mound in the 7th with an injury (cut on his middle fingers, AKA, blisters), you’re worried. At this point in the season, I’m just happy for the win. It’s also nice to hand Jered Weaver the first loss of his career.

Let’s see Schilling match Beckett tonight. I know they’re in bad shape, but for some reason I just can’t stop watching. Proof that the Red Sox really are as addictive as crack.