Today we salute you, Mr. I’m going to use Julio Lugo as a pinch runner instead of pinch hitting him. (Gonna pinch run Julio Lugo!) What do you do when you have a guy coming to the plate in the 8th with a .143 average, and a decent bat in the dugout? You pinch-run for the guy at first. (Piiiinch run him!) Most managers in their right mind would bring in Lugo for Cora. You let Lugo run (speedy legs!), and watched as Cora hit a triple into the left-center field gap to drive in the go ahead-run. Sure, you could have made the easy call, but even you knew the stats weren’t on your side. (Screw statistics!) So crack open an ice cold Sam Adams, you braintrust of the dugout, and enjoy your win before the MFY come into town. (Mr. I’m gonna pinch run Julio Lugo…)

Oh, and thanks to Manny for finally waking up and tying the game in the 8th. As for Tavarez? Well, let’s quote Babe, “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”

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Maybe the Sox got a new chef and he makes a mean chicken parm. Maybe Dougie’s got a thing for Asian chicks and wants to impress some of the reporters following Dice-K around. Maybe he’s just got his groove back. I honestly can’t explain how Dougie has gone from stud to dud and back to stud over a three year span.

Oh yeah, and that Timmy guy aint too bad either. He’s given up a total of 3 ER in 20 IP this season. He’s easier to explain; he likes domes.

When hazing works well, the new members of a group feel like they have a new connection with the elder members. So if you go on a road trip and make a fool out of yourself, suddenly you have a common experience to draw on. Best of all, it’s usually funny.

But we’ve all read the horror stories of Fraternity and Sorority hazing: freshman hospitalized from drinking too much soy sauce or anything else you witnessed in “Animal House”. The problem is, this hazing doesn’t bring people together, it just tortures them.

Every year when the new baseball rookies are hazed with a ridiculous costume on a team flight, it’s a good time for all. The problem is, it turns out that you can’t dress up a $103M pitcher in drag. So what do you do? You don’t give him any run support. (It’s about as brilliant as making the freshman chug their beers every time you blink.)

In the past three starts Dice-K has received 4, 0 and 1 runs of support (and still managed to go 1-2). Giving Dice-K the Timmy treatment isn’t going to make him a better pitcher, it’s probably just going to make him pissed off. And I have a feeling we don’t want Dice-K mad.

Two people you do want mad are Coco Crisp and Wily Mo Pena, however. I insult both of them the other day for not being able to hit. Last night they were both in the lineup, and went a combined 4-7, with 1 HR, 1 2B, 1BB. I’ll keep this in mind for the next time they start to suck.

There’s been a big red circle on my calendar since the beginning of the season for April 16th. I can’t think of a more perfect morning than making a big breakfast, pouring some coffee, and watching the Sox play some ball at 7 in the morning. As it turns out what I really did was hear the alarm go off at 7, roll over, hand the remote controls to Kim and grunt a bit. But that doesn’t make Sox and eggs sound any less appealing. (On a side note, how has Dunkin’ Donuts not made a breakfast sandwich named “Sox and Eggs” yet? Who in New England wouldn’t buy that? I’m sure they’d add bacon and cheese on there and I’d still be in for one.)

I know baseball isn’t supposed to take place before one in the afternoon, but I was really looking forward to baseball at 7 AM. This weather stuff really needs to stop interfering with baseball season. Didn’t the clouds get the memo? No rain between April and October. Is that so tough? (According to Al Gore, yes.)

Today was not nearly as exciting a Patriots Day game as last year, but when Beckett is pitching like this I’m not going to be the one to complain. It looks like he’s finally learned how to throw a curve for a strike when he needs to. Bravo! Schilling didn’t look half-bad on Saturday either (8IP, 0 ER). You’d think he just gave up a grand slam in that picture, but instead he was just mad about ball 3. If the Angels are going to be the best team in the AL West, then that’s one weak division.

Our offense has been clicking as well. They outscored the Angels 25-3, and had a lot of really good, long at bats. However, our center fielders look like they can’t hit the broad side of a barn with a baseball bat. Coco is just clueless, and if the ball isn’t straight as an arrow, WMP will miss by a foot and a half. Both have been playing well defensively, but if I wanted defense then let’s get Dave Roberts back. I’m not sure if they should be hanging out more with the likes of Papi and JD Drew, or if I want them in a sealed containment chamber in the clubhouse.

The Sox head off towards the land of astroturf and “eh.” Last year they went 7-12 against the Blue Jays. But this year won’t be like last year. Why? No more Frank Catalanotto.

You have two options: Thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and pumpkin pie, or Top Ramen. Tough decision, right? Does this remind you of anything, say, the Sox offense? In this infantile season, they’ve already scored ten or more runs twice, and been shut out twice. Talk about feast or famine.

However, this was a close game in the 8th. And you’ve got to give props to Tito for bringing in Paps with the tying run at the plate in Vladdy (K, 4 pitches), and Garrett Anderson behind him (7L, 2 pitches). It’s not a difficult concept, but a lot of managers still can’t wrap their heads around the fact that the “save” may be in the 8th instead of the 9th inning. And come on, do you really trust anybody other than Paps with a lead that’s fewer than 5 runs?

Wake pitched great, his kuckleball was dancing like Paula Abdul with MC Skat Kat. And all of a sudden Dougie remembered that one time in a galaxy far far away (see 2004), he was nicknamed Stud Who Hits Bombs for a reason.

Who’s up for some steak today?

Apparently this is what Kim does during rainouts.

“Wednesday, play with your food.”

People can be summed up into two camps: those that are rooting for their team to be no-hit late in the game, and those that want their team to get any meaningless hit possible to break up the no-hitter. I’m in the latter. Sure, you could tell me that it’s great baseball, and it’s good for the game and all that crap. But I’m loyal, and just like you don’t want Barry Bond’s 756th home run to come against your team (do you know how many times you’ll have to watch that clip on Sportscenter?), you don’t want to be in the table of no-hit teams in the baseball almanac. So, my thanks go out to JD Drew for ending this whole shenanigan in the 8th with a clean single up the middle.

All that being said, as good as D-Mat was last night (7IP, 3ER), I can see what all the hype has been about with King Felix. The guy was dealin’. He throws 98 and it looks like he’s playing catch. Poor Dustin Pedroia looked completely outmatched. He was flinching at fastballs that were outside. It took the Sox until the 7th inning to get the ball out of the infield. If he can keep up his command, I think this guy will be challenging Santana for the Cy Young award this year.

Today’s game has been moved up in hopes of getting the game in before the snow. Note to Bud: warm climates and domes in April. It’s not rocket science.

What a great way for the Sox to come home. Having the ‘67 team throw out the first pitch(es) to the ‘07 team was really brilliant. The only thing that would have made the pre-game introductions better would have been if the ‘67 team could have been announced as the “World Series Champions.” The rest of baseball really should learn from the Sox how to do pre-game introductions. I still wish I could get my hands on the pre-game ring ceremony from ‘05.

As for the game itself, well, I think the Mariners probably wish they had some snow to bail them out of this one. From the Sox perspective, it’s hard to imagine a better game: great pitching, fantastic hitting, and an bullpen-clearing showdown (with no punches thrown).

Beckett looked like an ace going 7 innings and giving up only 2 hits (1 run) with 8 Ks. He easily could have gone more than 7 innings too.

And then there was a little matter of the offense. Let’s just say that they didn’t want Paps to need to save their hides this time. There’s nothing quite like Jeff Weaver to help break the Sox out of a slump. When Coco is doubling in runs, you know everything is working. The mercy rule was invented for games like this.

Rather than compliment every member of the Sox batting order (aside from Pedroia, he went 0-4), I’ll just give you an abbreviated box score:

Lugo 2-2 (1 2B), 2 R, 1 RBI, 2 BB
Youk 3-5 (2 2B), 2 R, 1 RBI
Papi 1-3, 2 R, 1 BB
Manny 1-2, 1 R, 1 RBI, 1 BB
Drew 1-2 (1 HR), 2 R, 3 RBI
Doubles 1-4 (2B), 2 R, 2 RBI
Tek 3-4 (1 2B), 1 R, 3 RBI, 1 BB
Coco 1-5 (2B), 2 RBI

Most of the time I ream Tito for waiting too long to make roster changes. Today, I need to compliment him. While the Sox were up 11-1 in the bottom of the fifth, Tito pulled JD Drew for WMP. Wily Mo ended up getting hit on the fourth pitch of the at bat. Why do I need to compliment Tito for this? Because despite the fact that WMP is a righty and JD Drew is a lefty, that pitch would still have found a way to hit JD, and he would be on the DL for the next 10 weeks. So, thank you Tito, we get another day with an injury-free Drew.

There were a ton of cool pictures from this game, so I figured I’d just put them all up here. Welcome home Sox!

If we go to the playoffs, that formula better come in handy. A lot. Tonight, Schilling looked like the man who wants his big money contract at the end of this year. Seven great innings, giving up a single run and K’ing six. The run was a Frank Catalanotto HR. If the MFY had signed him, I would have picked them to win the division. That guy OWNS us. I can’t tell you how glad I am that he’s not on the Blue Jays anymore.

Also great to see Papi break out of his slump. When Big Papi breaks out of a slump, you don’t want to be the opposing pitcher. Padilla pretty much shut down the entire Sox lineup except for Papi who went deep in his first to ABs vs. him.

Tito needs to stop trying to destroy late leads in games. When Pineiro walks the first two batters PULL HIM. If Pineiro keeps pitching like this I’m going to rename him Pinata.

For all the people who wanted Paps in the rotation, do you still feel that way after he comes into a one run game with runners on the corners and one out in the 8th and closes it out like he was facing a AA lineup? That was a thing of beauty.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned them before, but if I haven’t then check out firejoemorgan.com. Joe Morgan has officially reached the point where his comments make all viewers of Sunday Night Baseball stupider for listening to him. When he says something that turns out to be true he makes sure to remind you 17 times. When he says something that is ridiculously wrong, he still tells you 17 times that he was right. I fear for Jon Miller’s brain.

Thank you John Kerry. Because of you, I now have the MLB Extra Innings package with Comcast and get to watch my beloved Sox for 140+ games a year. It also means that I’ll become a hermit for the next six months beginning with tonight…

Very clever of NESN to intro the game with a montage of Tavarez’s outings from last year with the song “Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel” (sung by Tavares) in the background. Problem is, even if Julian Tavarez pitched consecutive no-hitters, there’s still no chance he’d be a angel with that mug.

Another disappointing loss for the Sox. Nothing heartbreaking, they just seem to be playing very sloppy. JD Drew and Coco fielding balls from the Manny Ramirez school of outfield defense while Manny continues to end innings by getting thrown out at third base. (Drew turned a questionable double into an inside the park home run that tied the game at two and Coco misplayed a ball off the wall which became a triple.)

According to Don Orsillo, Kenny Lofton has now been with 11 major league teams. I hear his first incarnation with the Rangers was when they were still the Washington Senators.

Tavarez walked five batters in four innings. I’m no Orel Hershiser but even I could tell you that the guy’s problem is that he doesn’t have a consistent delivery. For one pitch his delivery would look smooth, for the next one he would change his starting position, and for the one after that he would hesitate at the top of his motion. I guess nobody taught Julian that practice makes perfect.

Tomorrow Curt tries to prove that he’s still better than Julian Tavarez.