4-5, 1-2, 9-10, 6-7, 8-9, 4-5, 3-2, 0-1, 10-11, 2-3, 4-5, 6-7, 1-2

What do all of these scores have in common? First, they all differentiate by one run. Second, the Sox scored the smaller number in each of them. And third, going into last night they were the last 13 one-run games that the Sox played (0-13).

Red Sox 1, Twinkies 0

No, the above score is not a mean joke, but you must assume that it was opposite day at Fenway last night since:

• The Sox finally won a one-run game.
• The team that hits .316 with RISP (obviously this team isn’t named the Red Sox) went 0-5.
• Dice-K pitched effectively (7.1, 0ER)
• Manny came through in the clutch by hitting a fastball.
• Okijima didn’t let an inherited runner score (but to his credit he tried).
• The Devil Rays lost for the first time in 8 games.
• Julio Lugo and Jason Varitek went back-to-back………Sorry, that one’s just too ridiculous to have happened.

Only 4 GB in the division now!

Congratulations to the Red Sox for their 6-3 victory over the MFY at The Toilet. What? The Umps screwed up and couldn’t recognize Coco’s clear catch for the 3rd out of the bottom of the 9th to gift wrap the MFY’s 4th run? Normally I’d say that the umps do a great job on a lot of close calls, but when Michael Kay clearly calls it a catch with the naked eye, well, how much exactly was Hank paying the men in blue to give his daddy a birthday present?

Both Beckett and Delcarmen should get special praise in this one. Beckett allowed three in the first but shut down the MFY for the next five, while Delcarmen escaped Okijima’s bases loaded 2-down jam in the 7th by retiring Mr. Madonnna. What’s most impressive though, is how they were both able to pitch to Captain America without getting migraines. I don’t know what Tek was thinking wearing a chest protector and knee pads that were designed either by an 85 year old couple living in Boca or a resident of SF’s Castro district, but no matter what it was hideous. Good thing he only gets to wear that crap once a season when the Sox can ruin’s George’s birthday.

Also, I figured it would be a good time to clear up my Johan Santana references from a couple of the posts involving Jon Lester (who will henceforth be known on Dirty Watah as Jon Lestah). After a long conversation with commentator “Met Fan,” she believed that the references were made as a dig at Santana. However, that isn’t correct at all.

Santana, as we all know, has been the best left handed pitcher in baseball over the past couple of years. And lately, Jon Lestah has been turning into one of the premier southpaws in the league. But to become one of the best pitchers, you need to be compared to THE best. So really, it’s not a knock on Santana, just showing how improved Lestah has been this season.

Happy 4th everyone.

Sorry for the lack of updates, but only masochists want to read about the Sox losing, and losing, and losing, and losing…and losing. Luckily, most Sox woes (including being 3.5 back in the division after a sweep from the first place Devil Rays??) can be forgotten with a convincing win over the MFY at the Toilet. You might ask, but Matt, how on earth can the Sox win a game convincingly when the bullpen can’t go two pitches without giving up a run? Very simple, just have Jon Lester throw a complete game shutout!

Somehow after walking the first two batters of the game and throwing 24 pitches to get through one, Lester calmed down and got through the next EIGHT innings in only 81 pitches. He looked even more pissed off about his 5 IP, 6 ER performance in Houston last time out than we were. But what might be the most impressive is this line:

6 IP, 4 H, 3 R(ER), 4 BB, 8 K

That would be Johan Santana’s line against the MFY just about a week ago.