Has this all been a joke? If so, Dice-K, you’re a fucking riot. You walk the bases loaded in the first, get out of it, and then don’t allow a hit until the 7th. Since you always make things interesting, you then let Carl Crawford get to third with NO outs in the 7th in a 1-0 game and escape unscathed. Is there some clause in your posting fee that you need to give Red Sox Nation at least two freak-outs a game?

Honestly, he hasn’t been able to go more than 5 innings in any start against the Devil Rays this season, has never pitched more than 5.1 innings in any playoff game, and all of a sudden decides, “eh, what the hell, I’ll throw 6 no-hit innings, and seven shutout.” Or maybe he really said “that chicken I had for dinner was fantastic”, my Japanese isn’t very good.

The Sox almost seemed like they didn’t want to score against Shields either. The first run came on a leadoff walk, a check-swing double by Kotsay and a sac fly by Lowrie. The best hit ball of the inning was the sac fly on an 0-2 pitch. Eventually, Unkie Youk tacked on an insurance run in the 8th with an RBI double. (Youk told the TBS audience after the game that he became an uncle today…and thus will from now on be known as “Unkie Youk.”)

The Devil Rays did look a tight as Mike Scocia’s panties. I can’t believe that Carlos Pena swung at a 3-0 pitch from Okijima when he had yet to throw a strike. And then Longoria swings at a 2-0 pitch at his ankles, and grounds the 2-1 pitch for an inning-ending double play against Masterson. What’s next, a suicide squeeze? I can only hope they play this way all series.

If anybody reading this blog happens to see Chip Carey, can you please punch him in the mouth for me? This is pretty close to his call of an at bat in the bottom of the 6th:

Dice-K is really no-hitter mowing down the batters in no-hitter this game. He hasn’t allowed a hit, and is pitching a no-hitter through 5. Barlett steps into the no-hitter box and takes a no-hitter strike at the knees for an 0-1 count. If you’re just joining us, Dice-K has a no-hitter going right now. That means he hasn’t allowed any hits.

Chip, your father AND grandfather are both rolling in their graves right now. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but can we have Fox back?