Just when I was thinking, huh, we’ve had absolutely no Sox news in the past week, Theo was kind enough to go and sign another low-risk high-reward (LWHR) pitcher. Before we all get too high on Mr. “I had a 6.27 ERA in not only the NL, not only the NL West, but in Dodger Stadium,” let’s take a look back at the recent history of the LWHR signings by Theo.

2008: El Fatso, otherwise known as Bartolo Colon
2007: Joel Pineiro
2005: Matt Mantei and Wade Miller

El Fatso pitched a whopping seven games putting up a 4-2 record and a 3.92 ERA. He was the best of the Theo LRHW signings. Pineiro, who was a one point considered the favorite for the closer position, looked like he wanted to crap himself every time he put a runner on base (and with his 41 hits allowed in 34 IP, was almost every time) put up a 5.03 ERA and was traded for a PTBNL (AKA bag-of-balls). Mantei increased the bullpen depth in 2005 with a gargantuan 6.49 ERA (another of Theo’s potential closers), while his partner in crime, Wade Miller, lasted 16 games with a 4-4 record and a 4.95 ERA.

So before we go off talking about how Penny and Beckett are going to become BFFs, dueling each other all season for the Cy Young while knocking back beers and comparing their dating conquests, I instead give you this prediction: like his career, Penny will start out every game with promise, all of a sudden lose it in the 4th and by the middle of July we’ll all be begging for Paul Byrd again. And when this happens, he’ll become a clubhouse cancer rivaling Jay Payton. It’s a harsh reality, and I hope I’m wrong, but Theo’s track record with these signings doesn’t give me much hope.

In brighter news, all of us here at Dirty Watah (ok, just Kim and I), want to wish you all a happy 2009, and hope it can be as prosperous as 2007 was to the Sox.