I’m glad that Yankee fans now know how Sox fans feel every time Matsui steps into the batter’s box. Almost without fail, when the MFY need a clutch hit, he comes up and gets it for them. Well Yankee fans, the Sox finally have a response: Jason Bay. Both are imports. Both play left field. And both enjoy putting daggers into opposing fans hearts.

Maybe Bay is just confused and is turning it on for the playoff push, after all, a rainy and cold night is summer weather in British Columbia. How does he follow up a game tying 2-run shot last Friday to tie the game in the 9th and yesterday’s 2-run homer to give the Sox what would turn out to be the winning runs? By putting his cleat on the MFY throat in the first and clubbing a no-doubter to left scoring three. The Sox and MFY have played five times this season and he’s already got 10 RBIs and is batting a Matsui-like .555. You’d never know he made the 10 MFY fans at the New Toilet cry from his facial expressions after the big home runs, but that kind of makes him more like the Sox version of Matsui. He didn’t even cause a ruckus when Joba, who had the command to strike out 12, plunked him with two down in the 5th. Although to Bay’s credit, as far as we know, he’s not addicted to porn.

The Sox have now beaten the MFY in all five games they’ve faced them, and swept them in two consecutive series (first time since 1985). With today’s victory they’ve now won by 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 runs (4/24, 5/4, 4/26, 5/4 and 4/25 respectively) and the Nick GREEEEEEN winning streak is now at 15. Funny how sweeping a series in the Bronx masks all the problems the Sox had. Only 13 more wins to go…

Dear Derek,

I see your measly one fist pump and raise you a couple. When you look back on your career, never forget that we christened the “House That You Built” with a 6-4 victory over your overpaid asses. That Canadian who hit the big 2-run homer makes $7.5M this year. The lefty who struck out 10 in 7 innings makes $1M. And that awesome closer who struck out your $6M second baseman and $20M first baseman with the bases loaded in the 9th makes $6.25M (you bet I talk in the 3rd person!). Your whining manager can’t even argue your way out of this one.

Hope you enjoyed leaning into that pitch in the ribs.

Fuck Yeah,
-Paps

I hope everyone enjoyed the Red Sox team that started the season 2-6, because the team that won 11 straight was clearly just a fluke. Remember the “can’t pitch, fall behind, then give up a few extra insurance runs so that when the offense gets a couple of runs towards the end of the game the team still falls short” Red Sox? That’s what you’ll be seeing this season. Unless they sack up quickly this is going to be a team haunted by poor starting pitching…and Julio Lugo. If you take out the 11 game winning streak, the starters have thrown a whopping four quality starts, and 10 non-quality starts. Of those four quality starts, only one has gone seven innings and that was Beckett on opening day! Which means that the offense has to save their butts, something they can’t do every night. Also, it means that the bullpen is going to be gassed by June. (Don’t forget: the Nick GREEEEEEEN winning streak is now at 13!)

All that said, screw you Julio. You can’t hit, that’s fine, but stop messing up the defense too. Thanks to your ineptitude with the glove, you singlehandedly gave the Rays two runs yesterday. And in case you forgot, the Sox lost by two runs yesterday. Catch and throw, is that so hard? Nick GREEEEEEN doesn’t think so. He’s even hitting a little. I’d really like to ask Papi to go Tanya Harding on Julio’s legs, if I wasn’t afraid that he’d swing and miss right now.

Let’s try to forget this game ever happened, shall we? When your 5th OF comes in to pitch and does better than the so called “ace” of your staff and one of your bullpen arms, my advice to you is to start drinking heavily. So let’s either forget this right now, or realize that we have the next Dave McCarty on our hands. Van Every is a southpaw after all.