Stop the presses! H1N1E6 just added three new letters onto his name: DFA, as in, designated for assignment. This might be the happiest day of my life. If I was married or had a kid, the day Julio Lugo was DFAed would still rank above those days as well. Just in case you wondered why…

I hate the way that he can’t field a routine grounder. I hate the way it takes him an hour and a half to get into the batters’ box. I hate that he gets all upset at everybody but himself when he makes an out. I hate that after I spend the day watching him, I can still picture his grounding into a double play. And I hate that he is the last person I want to curse out before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m a Sox fan, and it’s not because it’s the first game day after the All Star break. I blogged here tonight because when you realize you absolutely never want to see somebody wearing your team’s jersey anymore, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. (Holding back tears.) Oh thank you Theo, you’ve made me that happiest man in Red Sox Nation!

(Credit to Nora Ephron for writing such a cheesy speech in the first place.)