Hi, I’m Richie Sexson. You may remember me from such brawls as last year’s attempt to decapitate former Sox pitcher Kason Gabbard. Are you becoming a punching bag for the opposing pitcher? Did you happen to get hit yesterday and would like it to stop? Well, you’re in luck because this video will teach you how to get opposing pitchers to move on and stop hitting you. First you’ve got to get hit with a pitch. Ok, you don’t actually have to do this first step. In my infamous brawl, the pitch was nowhere near me, but I wanted to try out my new system. Once you get hit, start running hard at the pitcher. When you’re about 30 feet from the mound, remove your helmet, but don’t throw it yet. (Youks, wake up, this part’s important!) When you’ve reached the annoying piece of shit who hit you and are a point blank range, then throw your helmet at him as hard as you can and proceed to tackle him. At this point the rest of your team should be bolting out of the dugout to protect you, and no pitcher will fuck with you again. Hope this helps you avoid a few bruises and maybe inflict a few of your own.

P.S. Box score line of the night goes to Mike Lowell:

		AB	R	H	RBI	HR	BB	K	SB	LOB	Season Avg
M. Lowell pr-3b		3	3	2	3	2	0	0	0	1	.297

The two home runs are nice, but see the two little letter’s next to his name? PR? Mike Lowell, pinch runner? Now I’ve seen it all.